Being Happy

You Don't Have to Be Perfect to Lead a Richer, Happier Life

McGraw-Hill, 2010

15 min read

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Find true happiness through accepting your failures and savoring your successes.

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You can lead a more fulfilling life if you understand that you don’t have to be perfect to be happy. Tal Ben-Shahar, the best-selling author of Happier and an expert on positive psychology, explains how to achieve happiness while being less than perfect, that is, human. His tone is positive and encouraging as he walks you through setting challenging yet realistic goals, acknowledging the importance of failure in achieving success, and managing expectations in work, parenthood and love. Ben-Shahar draws on the teachings of great philosophers and the lives of notable individuals who conquered professional failure prior to great success. He addresses educating children, managing employees and being a good partner, and offers exercises and meditations you can practice to fulfill his central theme: accepting yourself and others. Though many other self-help books cover similar topics, Ben-Shahar’s approach is fresh and his information is meaningful. getAbstract suggests this clear, helpful handbook to managers, parents and anyone seeking a better work-life balance.

Summary

The Perfectionist

Do you pride yourself on being meticulous and hard working? Do you define yourself as a perfectionist who sets high standards. If so, beware: your quest for perfection in all things may be causing you great unhappiness.

Perfectionism is self-limiting because it promulgates black-and-white thinking and an “all-or-nothing mentality.” Perfectionists draw from a fixed mind-set and take little or no pleasure in the journey toward achieving their goals. Often, they see falling short of expectations as total failure and gain little from the experience of trying. Perfectionists find constructive criticism difficult to heed and cannot learn from their mistakes because they become defensive. They may dismiss others’ opinions and cling to rigid views. They often suppress painful emotions because they want to be in constant control. They are hard on themselves and others because they have very high – sometimes unrealistic – aspirations. And when perfectionists do achieve their goals, their happiness is short-lived because they move on immediately to the next venture.

Perfectionists are at risk of psychosocial problems, including diminished self-worth. For...

About the Author

Consultant Tal Ben-Shahar, PhD, an expert on positive psychology, also wrote Happier.

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L. E. 4 years ago

Very good I thought I was a perfectionist but after reading this I realise I’m actually an optimist
M. B. 4 years ago

Very good.
F. H. 6 years ago

yes

Tal Ben-Shahar