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Why listening well can make disagreements less damaging
Article

Why listening well can make disagreements less damaging

Offering undivided attention and curiosity not only lowers the temperature of a conversation but can change its outcome

Guy Itzchakov
Psyche, 2024
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8

Qualities

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Recommendation

If you’ve ever been entrenched in a bitter war of words with no exit in sight, you’ll welcome this timely solution from social psychologist Guy Itzchakov. He encourages squabblers locked in a stalemate to listen to one another attentively instead of hastily making counterargument after counterargument. Itzchakov’s thoughtful research-based proposal aims to de-escalate interpersonal tensions and create an environment conducive to constructive dialogue.

Summary

A failure to listen is contributing to a widening societal chasm.

Here’s how most arguments play out: Each participant aims to prove the other wrong. To achieve that end, the squabblers attempt to take control of the conversation, present clear justifications, and speak with confidence. Alas, in the midst of a conflict, the warring parties fail to listen to one another. Each participant uses the time that the other person is speaking to think of a sharp rebuttal, instead of listening attentively and trying to understand the opposing point of view. Such disagreements compel people to dig in their heels, and they emerge more staunchly convinced of their standpoint. 

This style of quarreling has led to a growing social divide. In 2022, 28% of Americans cited the polarization of US politics as the most thorny problem facing the nation. Meanwhile, fewer Americans are willing to engage with individuals who hold opposing political beliefs, and a growing number of individuals opt to consume media only from sources that corroborate their existing beliefs. 

Instead of rushing to rebut your opponent, engage in “...

About the Author

Social psychologist Guy Itzchakov is an associate professor in the Department of Human Services at the University of Haifa, Israel. 

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