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How to Take the High Road
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How to Take the High Road

When someone provokes you, it’s easy to react without thinking. Learn to slow down and respond in ways you’ll be proud of

Alissa Hebbeln and Russell Kolts
Psyche, 2024
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Picture it: A relative questions your life choices during dinner; a colleague criticizes your work; a stranger makes a snarky remark in the grocery store. Situations like these can elicit strong emotions and, if you bite back, may lead to full-blown arguments. At 2016’s Democratic National Convention, Michelle Obama proclaimed, “When they go low, we go high.” Alas, taking the high road isn’t always easy. It requires practice, compassion, and a strong moral compass. Alissa Hebbeln, a clinical therapist, and Russell Kolts, a clinical psychologist, examine how to rise above with grace and integrity.

Take-Aways

  • The human brain is wired to respond instinctively to perceived attacks, even verbal ones. Reprogram your brain to control your temper and take the high road.
  • Learn to engage your “safeness system” by identifying triggers and equipping yourself with self-soothing techniques.
  • Take the high road more often by practicing “self-compassion.”

About the Authors

Alissa Hebbeln is a clinical intern therapist. Clinical psychologist Russell Kolts is a professor at Eastern Washington University, where he researches compassion-focused therapy. 

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