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Getting to Zero
Book

Getting to Zero

How to Work Through Conflict in Your High-Stakes Relationships

Jayson Gaddis
Hachette Book Group USA, 2021
First Edition: 2021
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8

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Recommendation

When a relationship breaks down, blaming the other person is tempting. But sometimes you’re the problem. Learn to take accountability for your conflicts and to handle them with compassion and grace. Improving your conflict management skills is an investment in your personal growth, says relationship expert Jayson Gaddis. Don’t let negative early childhood experiences determine the quality of your relationships, Gaddis urges. Start showing up and presenting a better version of yourself in your relationships today.

Summary

Conflicts bubble up in your relationships when you feel threatened by excessive closeness or distance.

The word “conflict” frequently conjures images of battles or violence. In reality, conflict doesn’t necessarily mean all-out warfare. Loosely defined, a conflict is “a rupture, disconnection or unresolved issue” between two or more people or within yourself, in cases of inner turmoil. Conflicts can unfold when you feel unwanted, intrusive closeness from another person – for example, if someone shouts at you or infringes on your personal space. They can also happen when too much distance triggers abandonment fears – if, for example, you sense that someone is ignoring or avoiding you. 

You may find yourself behaving like an entirely different person during conflicts, perhaps throwing tantrums, giving others the silent treatment, ghosting people or being brutally mean. Such responses are attempts at self-preservation. If you’ve experienced pain in your past, you can falsely perceive conflict as threatening – just as a mistreated rescue dog might struggle to trust a loving new owner.

About the Author

Jayson Gaddis is an artist, best-selling author, podcaster, speaker, executive coach, CEO, founder, human behavior specialist and relationship expert. He has trained more than 200 coaches in 11 countries and is the creator of Interpersonal Intelligence and Present Centered Relationship Coaching.

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