Getting Relationships Right

Protecting each other’s sense of security is at the heart of a healthy relationship.

People with resilient relationships tend to enjoy more success and contentment in life. Resilient relationships depend on two aspects: security and connection. Relationships are the result of interactions between people. Thus, you have control over how they develop. Acting in a way that builds resilience requires practice, however. Much of what people learn about relationships through parent figures or popular media is dysfunctional. To create security within a relationship, each individual needs to show, through actions, that he or she is trustworthy and concerned about the other person’s safety.

The closer a relationship, the more vulnerable people tend to be. This feeling of vulnerability often sabotages secure connections: The more exposed you feel, the more vigilant and guarded you become. You may even try to undermine the other person’s sense of security to regain a sense of control.

Each relationship builds on different domains and levels of connection.

The second key element of a resilient relationship is connection. You can connect to others in eight different...