How to say no

People pleasers lose their sense of identity when they become the person that others want them to be.

People pleasers’ instincts generally spring from an authentically good place: They wish to maintain social harmony and satisfy others. Yet this personality quirk can be self-sabotaging: If your desire to please engulfs you entirely, you can become anxious and depressed. You lose sense of your individuality, resulting in a “vanishing self”; that is, you exist merely to satisfy others and fail to pursue your own wants and needs. If you frequently feel obligated to bend to others’ wills, rest assured: You can learn to become more assertive, push back and say no.

The cure for “the disease to please” is to audit why and how often you say yes.

For a week, track how many times you say yes, how saying yes makes you feel, and how inconvenient each request is. At the end of the week, review your notes. Bear in mind that people pleasers come in various shades, all with a desire for acceptance: Some are incapable of saying no, even when saying yes pushes them toward burnout. Others yearn to appear amiable...