The Advice Trap

Most of the advice people give is worthless, but their inner “Advice Monster” insists on giving it anyway.

You – and everyone else – possess an internal advice monster who loves to give advice at every opportunity. Unfortunately, most of it is useless – or even destructive.

Giving advice is as basic to the human condition as enjoying community over solitude or happiness over sadness. The advice monster believes that best thing in the world is for you to know you have the “best answer” for someone’s issues and to share it. The advice monster insists you are delivering value. It’s how you maintain control and tamp down your natural qualms about failure. You could be delivering good advice, but, like most people, you usually don’t for two reasons:

1. You address the wrong issue – In any conversation, it’s natural to solve the first issue that surfaces. This is where most people focus their advice. But the first issue that pops up usually isn’t the real problem. Continue to listen and probe. To redirect your advice monster, ask a question instead ...