Beyond Reason

The Power of Emotions

“You negotiate every day” about everything from your work to your meals. Every time you do, some emotion is involved. You can’t ignore these emotions and you shouldn’t try. They won’t just evaporate. If you don’t deal with them, they’ll distract you and sabotage your efforts to act rationally. Emotions always play a role, often a powerful one, so you need to learn to deal with them. Start by recognizing that emotions are felt, not just thought. They are in the body, and affect how you think and act. Emotions can be positive as well as negative. If you like the person you’re negotiating with, warm feelings can shift your relationship, putting you on the same side as you seek to resolve a problem. Positive or “contagious” emotions add motivation and incentive. Being nice or friendly can spread. Of course, don’t let warm feelings overly influence you; check any agreement you negotiate against rationally constructed criteria.

Emotions can absorb a lot of energy and attention if you try to address them directly. They are complicated and change quickly. Therefore, instead of trying to deal with anger, then sadness, and so on, focus on your “core concerns...