Triggers

The Hardest Thing

You resolve to change; you might even take action, but only rarely do you make significant changes that stick. This proves especially true when the change also involves other people. As hard as it is to quit smoking, for example, the effort pales compared to changing things that aren’t fully in your control and require other people’s cooperation or assessment of your progress. Instead of committing to change, you continue your ways, regretting your weaknesses and lack of improvement. You make promises: I’ll be a better spouse, or I’ll build better relationships at work. But obstacles appear. People don’t meet you halfway or you face too much work. Stress and exhaustion wear down your resolve to ask about – let alone listen to – how your family members fared that day at work or school. You make excuses and let yourself off the hook.

Why People Rarely Change

People avoid change or fail to change due to deeply seated personal beliefs. You believe you know what to do and will do it, so who needs discipline, a plan or structure? You place false faith in your powers of resistance and put yourself in risky environments that tempt you. You believe...