University of Minnesota - UMN Executive Leadership Insights
Getting Relationships Right
Book

Getting Relationships Right

How to Build Resilience and Thrive in Life, Love, and Work

Melanie Joy
Berrett-Koehler, 2020
First Edition: 2020
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Editorial Rating

7

Qualities

  • Applicable
  • Engaging
  • Inspiring

Recommendation

Relationships are important – but often difficult. Most people base their understanding of relationships and how to navigate them on unhelpful role models. But everyone can learn how to interact in a healthy way and break unhelpful patterns of destructive learned behavior. In this practical book, psychologist Melanie Joy explains the dynamics that can derail relationships. She provides helpful guidance on how you can develop and maintain resilient and secure relationships with work colleagues, friends and family.

Summary

Protecting each other’s sense of security is at the heart of a healthy relationship.

People with resilient relationships tend to enjoy more success and contentment in life. Resilient relationships depend on two aspects: security and connection. Relationships are the result of interactions between people. Thus, you have control over how they develop. Acting in a way that builds resilience requires practice, however. Much of what people learn about relationships through parent figures or popular media is dysfunctional. To create security within a relationship, each individual needs to show, through actions, that he or she is trustworthy and concerned about the other person’s safety.

The closer a relationship, the more vulnerable people tend to be. This feeling of vulnerability often sabotages secure connections: The more exposed you feel, the more vigilant and guarded you become. You may even try to undermine the other person’s sense of security to regain a sense of control.

Each relationship builds on different domains and levels of connection.

The second key element of a resilient relationship is connection. You can connect to others in eight different...

About the Author

Melanie Joy is a psychologist, award-winning author and an international speaker, trainer and organizational coach.

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